Is this The End?

Every person’s HIGHEST need is to feel validated and accepted for who they really are. There is a process of self-development that needs to take place before we feel worthy of this and feel safe to allow someone in. Intimacy is not about sex, it is about TRUTH and TRUST. It requires vulnerability to show our heart to another person. The risk of being hurt by judgement or ridicule or rejection is something many experience at a young age and therefore learn to protect ourselves with masks. You have a solid foundation to build a life/love partnership when you can tell a person your truth and their response is “you are safe with me”. That is Intimacy.

The ending of what we believed to be our ‘happily ever after’ may feel like our life is over. Even in toxic, dysfunctional and volatile relationship/marriage partners choose to stay together motivated by a fear of being alone.

Surviving a break up or divorce requires that we go through all the stages of grief. Not necessarily in a specific order: Disbelief (shock)/Sadness-Depression/Anger/Perspective/Acceptance.

Staying stuck in one of the stages may result in suicidal thoughts as living with this pain is simply unbearable as we torture ourselves with self-blame thoughts.

Repeated love disappointments often stem from early childhood. If we have experienced any form of abuse (including bullying) as a young person, this will have diminished our sense of self-worth already then. Life experiences will repeatedly confirm low self-esteem which influences our choices in partners.

Working with many teenagers, my concern for mental health is at an all-time high. Feeling judged and isolated with minimal life skills and a lack of support at home can have a serious mental impact. The statistics of suicide in young children and teenagers is terrifying. Parents and teachers might be survivors of toxic or abusive home environments themselves and may also be dealing with depression or other mental health issues.

Basic Mental Health education and awareness should be part of all school curriculums. Teachers should receive more training on the impact they have on young minds. Teaching Fear/ Failure/Anger is NOT POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT!! I have empathy for the pressure teachers are under to produce results. I have met teachers who are true inspirations and are born to be in this very much undervalued profession.

Life coaching is a practical outcome talk therapy using the techniques of Modern Applied Psychology.

For more information contact: Karin Engman @ Mind Wellness in Ermelo 082 7246985

NOW @ MIZPAH (opp JJ School) AND ALSO @ HUMMINGBIRD

Published Author:“A Path of Choices”