Out of Control

Anxiety and depression is directly linked to the level of control we believe we have in our lives. Many struggle with this aspect, as do I. In reality, we need to grasp and accept that we are actually not in control of anything as we can do everything right and still not have the desired outcome.

Recently we had a massive lightning strike that resulted in damages all things electronic and the borehole pump and and and and….. It was totally unexpected as the rumblings of potential weather did not sound close by at all. Standing in the dining room with my daughter, there was an unexpected flash of sharp white light and then of course the bang. She ran to the bedroom window to check on the horses, only to discover that a second strike had set a tree alight in the field.

As my husband and daughter mobilised the fire fighter in between sharp lightning, I watched with pounding heart, feeling totally helpless. A whole new level of ‘out of control’. I had my phone open ready to call the ambulance service in case they got struck and knowing the chance of surviving a direct strike was unlikely. It was terrifying and ABSOLUTLETY OUT OF CONTROL.

Pondering afterwards about this situation and reflecting about the degree of feeling out of control in many parts of my life of late. Our daughter’s future next year…..potential health issues… this country’s/Europe/global politically, economically all seem to be spiralling downward globally. Our current electricity disruptions……and then there are the coal trucks!! I have no words….. the condition of the roads….the carnage of gruesome death every single day…and all for personal gain and feeding the greed monster with our government looking the other way raising the question of self -enrichment. We all sit idly by and watch like helpless invalids. I include myself in the attitude of apathy whilst currently planning a retirement where there are no coal trucks.

On Friday the matrics wrote their first Math paper. So much study, extra classes and effort and then the paper contains not one but a few curve balls. The potential impact on the end result is devastating. Future hopes and dreams – out of control.

Any person dealing with anxiety and depression will understand the impact of feeling out of control. We need to shift the focus on what is within our control: make sensible choices – self-care, self-care, self-care – work hard and nurturing faith that all will be as it is supposed to be. I am required to be an active participant in my life and take responsibility for my part in the outcome - the rest is “let go and let God”.

Sometimes we need to just verbalize our stress and anxiety with a trusted friend. Who would you choose to sit down with in that chair on the pier of a lake? Make the effort to talk about it. That is the best self-care we can gift ourselves.